no clue

Everyone keeps disappointing me left and right.

asleep at the wheel

I covered some important things that have passed my mind lately.

Being home alone makes me realize how ready I am to be on my own. I know it's not the same cause I'm not paying for bills and don't have all that to worry about but still, it feels great to have this freedom and be able to be this independent for a change. My parents are in Florida til tomorrow or Monday to see if they wanna move there so that's cool. I had Rj, Van, Des, Josh, and Fern over lastnight.. and then when Rj and Des left Megan and Lindsey stopped by. I had a bunch of candles lit in the back and was able to feed people, so that felt pretty good. Though this was the only time I'm probably ever going to get an opportunity to have people over like this, it was nice. There was a rough moments, but I had some talks lastnight and everything feels a little better. I only got a couple hours of sleep but Josh made me pancakes and did some dishes, and him and Van helped me clean up.. so in all it was pretty nice.

Something I've been thinking about is how little I know about people. I don't really judge people badly, I mean everyone does to some extent, but things happen that totally change my perspective on that person. For better or worse, or neither, you never really know someone unless you've been with them for a long time. Just mentioning that because I don't want to write a whole blog on it.

I also screwed up with my dad again. I love my friends, but he comes first and I haven't been being fair to him. Last night we had a pretty long talk and I feel terrible about everything. Strike 3, and he's still giving me another chance and still trusts me. I love my dad and don't want to make him upset, or not trust me. He understands me very well and I need someone like that in my life. Some things are going to change. I mean I'm not going to stop some of the things I do because he knows that I'm not doing it to be a rebel or to affect him in any way, I let him understand all that. I've just gotta be a lot more cautious about some stuff.

I don't want a relationship in high school. No one has done anything wrong, I've just had some bad luck and don't feel like it's really worth it. This is another thing I'm slipping in because I'm not writing a whole blog on it.

This whole time back has been like an emotional roller coaster. I'm fine.. and I'm going to try really hard to keep it that way. I'm very fortunate for my friends that have been good to me and the fact that I am so close to my family. Out of everything I learned in 2008, the biggest one that has had an impact on me is not to take things or people for granted. I didn't make any resolutions but that's something I learned over the year.. the hard way.

If I've said sorry to you, I'm saying it again. I love all you guys. Thanks for being there

this years love had better last

Things are a little weird. I've been having ups and downs lately. I'm glad to be back, and I have so much new stuff that there's nothing I could want materialistically. The weather here is great. It was so cold in Iowa no one could even finish smoking. Every trip to Iowa I am more and more appreciative, so I always feel like I got something out of it. I made a few good memories, mostly while I saw the whole side of my mom's family. I would say I regret the trip cause of something that happened while I was gone, but not really. All it did was open up my eyes a little. I'm going to be a lot more patient in getting to know people for now on, so no one gets hurt. New Years was really weird. I get to have the house to myself this weekend. Going to see Valkyrie right now..
Happy Birthday, Tolya.
Done rambling.